


a lesson in leadership

by Chesra



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 02:46:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11958093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chesra/pseuds/Chesra
Summary: Keith knows he's not cut out to be the leader. Lance thinks otherwise.[canon-compliant w/ s3, takes place after episode 3]





	a lesson in leadership

**Author's Note:**

> yooo i have five million feelings about s3 klance esp as co-married leaders and HOW SUDDENLY THeY'rE EACH OTHER'S ANCHORS LIKE HOW DID THAT HAPPEN DREAMWORKS GIVE ME THE RECEIPTS
> 
> so yeah!! this takes place after episode 3 and before episode 4 
> 
> and lmao i should be finishing my klance space opera fic but SEASON 3 GOT ME LIKE WHOA, I JUST HAVE TO WORD VOMIT THIS AND THEN I'LL GO BACK TO THAT ASAP

To Keith’s surprise, the missions get easier over time.

 

He’d thought the gaping loss of Shiro would stay - after all, it still gnaws at him like a persistent tick - but it’s something he can put at the back of his mind, with the sudden responsibility of being the leader thrust at him. It’s hard to stay in a rut when the whole team has turned to him for direction.

 

Pidge nags him constantly for clearer instructions - as if attacking a Galra base should require anything more than ‘take down anyone who stands against them.’ “We need plans, Keith,” they say firmly. Keith wants to snap - he’s not a planner. That’s Shiro’s job.

 

But Shiro’s not here anymore. And Keith has to lead.

 

“Hey, hey,” Lance says over the intercom, placating as usual. It’s strange that Keith has begun to associate Lance with a calming effect - if you had told Keith, two months ago, that he’d find Lance as anything other than irritating he would have laughed you out of the room. Lance is demanding, frustrating, provoking. The mere thought of him raises Keith’s hackles; his presence speeds up his heartbeat more than strictly necessary. But _relaxing_? “It’s not rocket science. We’ve done this a hundred times - this shouldn’t be too hard.”

 

“Lance is right,” Allura agrees. “We won’t even need to form Voltron.”

 

Forming Voltron itself has become a strictly on-necessary basis - the second time they had tried, they had all been nervous, worried the first time had been a fluke, that the team could not really stand together as a cohesive unit. But they had pulled it off. There had been genuine sighs of relief, Keith included.

 

Afterwards Coran had suggested more team exercises, and Allura had been the first to agree. She’s a lot more amenable now - less of a fussy princess who sees herself above the Paladins. Keith can see the same fear mirrored in her eyes; that she’s not good enough, that she has so much to live up to. It makes her work harder than anyone else. Keith can understand. He’s passed out in the training room about three times just this week.

 

“You’re overworking yourself, man,” Lance had said, the first time he found Keith sprawled there unconscious, taking it upon himself to wake him up gently. “Don’t do this.”

 

Keith had bitten his lip. He’d wanted to argue, but Lance was right. It sucked to admit that out loud, though. “The Galra Empire doesn’t rest.”

 

“The Galra Empire has a thousand ships and evil magic witches,” Lance had said, rolling his eyes. “We’re six people and a single warship. We can’t lose another person right now,” he had added, eyes a little sad. The allusion to Shiro had hurt. So Keith had closed his mouth and let Lance lead him back to his room.

 

They successfully manage to destroy the three Galra warships. Lance and Hunk cheer loudly. Keith smiles a little. They turn their Lions and head back to the Castle.

 

“Still no details on Lotor,” Pidge says once they’re all in the bridge. “He certainly keeps all his movements under wraps.”

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s moving independently,” Allura says. “There is no news of the Galra Empire declaring him as their new leader. Zarkon has not been officially declared dead,” she adds, clenching her fists. “We must tread lightly.”

 

“Trouble in the Galra Empire, huh,” Lance wonders out loud. “Guess it’s messy like any order of succession.”

 

Hunk looks at Coran. “Is Lotor Zarkon’s only son?” he asks. “I mean, is there an entire group of people waiting to take over - does he have cousins, or uncles or - ”

 

Coran shakes his head. “Well, the last time we were around Lotor was his only heir,” he says. “But it’s been ten thousand years - I can’t claim to know everything about the Galra monarchy.”

 

“Great,” Keith says. “So we just take Lotor down first and deal with the rest after.” The prospect is daunting. He can’t believe he ever thought this war was any close to ending. They’d been so naive.

 

“Hey, we can just ask our Marmorite friends!” Lance says, voice bright. “I’m sure they’ve got intel. For now - I’m starving. Hunk, we got more of that fake pizza rolls?”

 

Hunk perks at the request for food. “Coming right up!”

 

“I’ll catch up later,” Pidge says. “I’m still working on locating Matt.”

 

Lance nods. “We’ll save you a piece,” he adds, slinging his arm around Keith. “Let’s go, Keith.”

 

Keith’s tempted to say he’ll pass too, but Lance turns to him with a smile, and suddenly the refusal won’t form in his mouth. He lets Lance steer him to the kitchen, trailing after Hunk with some distance.

 

“You did good out there earlier,” Lance says, softly.

 

Keith raises an eyebrow. Lance is praising him now? “If you mean I didn’t get any of us lost this time, then yeah, it was a good job,” he says. “I’m not exactly starting from the best batting average.”

 

Lance waves his hand. “Give yourself some credit, Keith - it’s not like anyone can just fit Shiro’s shoes. And not that you should try,” he adds hastily, as if sensing Keith’s mood take a downward turn. “Keith, you and Shiro are different. You’re our leader now.”

 

“But not a very good one,” Keith murmurs.

 

“There’s definitely room for improvement,” Lance agrees. “But you’re doing great with what you can. And I mean that,” he says firmly. “When have I ever lied to you?”

 

Keith pauses to think about it. True, Lance makes fun of him or challenges him, but Lance has never said anything he doesn’t actually mean. The thought of it bubbles up something warm in his chest. “You’ll let me know when I mess up, right?”

 

Lance grins. “Always. I got your back, team leader.” He slaps Keith’s shoulder playfully, and then runs off to catch up with Hunk.

 

\--

 

There are a lot of things Shiro does that Keith has only become aware of now. One of them, apparently, is briefing sessions with Allura one-on-one.

 

“We have received several distress signals all over the galaxy,” Allura tells him, bringing up the map. “I’ve mapped out how we’ll respond accordingly - let me know what you think.”

 

“Looks fine,” Keith says wearily after glancing at it. Allura purses her lips, but doesn’t argue. She clearly doesn’t want to burden Keith either with any more responsibility, but it’s something they have to discuss. Keith has to know their next steps - even has to proactively plan them now. It makes Keith’s head ache.

 

He misses the days that all he ever worries about is training and piloting Red. Black is a different weight, and adjusting is taking its toll. He can’t speed like he used to, and he has to be constantly aware of the team’s presence. It itches in him, the desire to fight, to attack. Red’s the sword, their main offense. But Black is built differently - he’s the head. He has to make decisions for the team.

 

“I’ll ask Lance for his opinion,” Keith adds, as an afterthought. He’s begun to run most of his ideas with Lance before deciding on them; Hunk overanalyzes, and Pidge always wants to drill down to details. Lance is good at pointing out whatever he’s overlooked without getting too distracted from the main picture.   

 

Allura nods. “It would be good,” she agrees. “I’m glad you’re getting along.”

 

Keith shrugs. “Yeah.” They _have_ been getting along, contrary to everyone’s expectations. Lance hasn’t started a fight with him in weeks. Truthfully it’s Lance who’s always riling him up, though Keith can’t claim he doesn’t rise up to the bait. And Lance has been stepping up - leading separate missions with Hunk, coordinating with the Blade of Marmora, opening discussions with Keith without it devolving into shouting matches.

 

It’s nice. Keith is wont to admit it’s taking a lot of things off his plate. Lance is, consciously or unconsciously, helping him out with this leader shtick, and Keith hasn’t found the words to thank him out loud yet. It’s unfair - Lance never has any problems articulating anything to Keith. If anything he’s too good at it - knowing what to say to calm him down or provoke him into a fight. Keith can only ever react.

 

“I think I understand now why the Red Lion chose him,” Allura murmurs. Keith’s head snaps up. “When it was the five of you, you were Shiro’s right hand - he wanted you to be his second-in-command. In the same way, Lance is yours.” There’s a self-depreciating grin. “I don’t think I could be your support the way Lance is for you.”

 

There’s a tone in her voice that says Red means to her more than any Lion, but Keith’s never been good at asking probing questions. So he lets that particular curiosity slide. “I’m surprised it’s Lance,” he says instead. “I’d thought he’d fight me the most on this.” He’d been worried - terrified - that they wouldn’t accept his leadership. So what if the Black Lion had chosen him - the rest of the team doesn’t have to share his opinion.

 

Allura chuckles. “He’s a constant surprise,” she says, indirectly admitting she had thought the same. “But it’s good for the team. I’m glad he’s here,” she adds softly. “For you, and for all of us. Shiro is -” her voice catches, painfully, and Keith is reminded that he’s not the only one who’s been hurt; he’s just the one who shows it more. Allura had trusted Shiro equivocally - had seen him as her pillar of support amongst the Paladins. Without him her integration to the team had been awkward and difficult, though she had begun to progress as a Paladin at a faster rate than any of them. “We must continue with him gone,” she finishes, shaking her head. “He would never have lost sight of the mission.” She turns back to her maps, and Keith listens to her prepare their route with more focus than earlier.

 

It’s the least he can do, in his attempt to be the leader Shiro wants him to be.

 

\--

 

 _What would Shiro do?_ It’s a question Keith asks himself often. If one of them was gone - would he still try and find them? He thinks of Matt - Pidge’s beloved brother, once Shiro’s crew. He’d supported finding Matt, but it had never been his priority. His mission had been Voltron, and the fate of the universe.

 

If Keith had been lost, would Shiro drop everything just to find him again?

 

“- ello? Earth to Keith?” There’s a finger tapping his helmet, which Keith swipes at. “Hey, don’t zone out in a middle of a mission!”

 

“Shut up,” Keith growls. Lance rolls his eyes at him.

 

“Yeah, I know this is boring, just waiting, but you have to pay attention,” Lance reminds him. “The Galra - oh wait.” He crouches low. “I think I see them now!”

 

They’ve been waiting for the Galra general to leave his ship. They’ve flown into this planet undetected, thanks to Green, and had dropped down on several locations. It’s clockwork at this point - the Blade of Marmora has given them a code to sabotage a Galra warship, similar to how they had disabled Zarkon’s in their last fight. The few months that they could not form Voltron had taught them to rely less on the giant robot. Allura had agreed that it was better for them to learn to fight independently as needed. Keith had thought the same. The feeling of Black’s cockpit was still foreign to him - every time he wondered if this would be the day the lion would choose to stop responding, to realize that they had made the wrong decision of making him the leader. Allura would have been a better choice. _Lance_ would have been a better choice, even. Anyone but him.

 

Lance bumps his elbow. “You remember the plan, right?”

 

The plan is simple. A planet with only one Galra warship stationed at their post won’t be able to call for backup in time. A lion can actually take on the warship by itself, but it’s best to avoid any destruction of the planet, especially since the warship is on ground. So all they have to do is take down the warship from the inside, force the general to surrender or flee like the cowards they are, and Pidge can go in and obtain any valuable Galra data they have on the system. It’s not how Keith would do it. But admittedly it’s more helpful for them in the long run.

 

“Yeah,” he says. “I got it.”

 

Lance is who they send on these missions - he’s nimble, with quick reflexes, and he’s a good shot. The Galra never know what hit them - usually literally. Keith’s to provide the offense. They usually rotate this between him, Hunk and Allura, but Lance is the mainstay for stealth missions like this.  

 

Today Allura and Hunk are positioned with the planet’s people, waiting for the Galra general and his men to come marching in and demand fealty from them. He’ll never expect the Voltron Paladins. And when he tries to radio for his warship, well, by then it’ll be too late.

 

“Okay,” Lance says. “He’s gone. It’s game time, Keith.”

 

Keith nods, and they both run for the warship.

 

They’ve become attuned to each other while fighting - Lance keeps behind, shooting anything heading in their way. Keith doesn’t have to hold back; he hacks at the sentries coming at them until they’re all left in pieces on the floor. He glances over his shoulder; Lance is standing up from his crouched position, smiling. Keith can’t help but smile himself.

 

They sprint through the corridors and into the bridge. Keith knocks out one of the Galra officers and Lance snipes the rest. They break through the door as one, Keith leaping at one of the two Galra inside the control room. He’s slashed at the Galra’s face, growling, when he hears a yell. Something red whizzes past his field of vision.

 

The other Galra has Lance pinned on the ground. His bayard is across the room.

 

Keith’s seeing red before he can stop himself.

 

He slams his sword at the Galra’s arm, noting the shout of pain with fevered satisfaction. The Galra lets go of Lance, in favor of looming over Keith. He’s practically twice his size, but Keith’s taken bigger opponents than this. He drives the blade straight into the skin, knowing he’s hit something vital.

 

This Galra topples over, but Keith’s barely turned when the other one tackles him. Keith raises his sword, but then the Galra slumps, slack into his arms. Keith squirms out under him, looking up.

 

Lance has retrieved his bayard; he’s kneeling, gun still aimed at the Galra. Keith releases a sigh of relief. “You okay?” he says, crossing over to him. Lance nods, wincing. There’s a scratch on his armor’s shoulder.

 

“No big deal,” Lance says. “I’ve taken bigger hits than that.” He smiles at Keith, that same confident grin that keeps Keith grounded. Together they head to the console and boot up the virus.

 

“Mission accomplished,” Lance crows. “We did it, space ranger partner.” He holds up his hand, and Keith looks at it. “...come on, Keith, don’t leave me hanging,” he complains. “Give me five.”

 

“O...kay,” Keith says, and slaps his hand against Lance’s raised one gently.

 

Lance sighs. “We’ll work on it.”

 

The easy camaraderie still takes Keith by surprise - it’s not something they exchange between them. He sees Lance trading hugs with Hunk, or putting his fist up for Pidge to bump; simple, affectionate touches. No one does that for Keith, except Shiro.

 

His heart clenches. After this mission is over, once they return to the Castle, he’ll go out and search for him again. He doesn’t want to believe it’s futile, and he dares anyone to say it to his face. Almost to his frustration, no one does. Allura even keeps a monitor dedicated to finding vital human signs in that area of debris. And there’s always food waiting for him in the kitchen when he stumbles back hours later, empty-handed.

 

He misses Shiro. He hates how they can function without him, how every mission is a success even without his presence. As if they never needed him.

 

There’s a soft touch on his shoulder. “Hey,” Lance says, his voice snapping Keith out his thoughts. “Thanks for earlier.”

 

“You too,” Keith returns. They exit the control room in silence, Lance reporting in to the team. Pidge details their successful data extraction on the shared comms link afterwards. Allura also reports in on another grateful addition to the Voltron alliance.  

 

Like clockwork. Keith wants to smash something, just to throw them off routine.

 

\--

 

There are days when Keith has to remind himself to breathe. Every day is another day of not being Shiro. Maybe they’re functioning now, but it’s not the same. It’s not their best. It’s not the perfect, flawless, feeling of forming Voltron. Keith desperately wants nothing else but to break apart once they’ve defeated the enemy.

 

“Keith,” Lance says. It is a goddamn irony that Keith has begun to differentiate the ways Lance says his name. When he starts it slow, breathy, it means he’s going to say something kind. When it’s angry, hissing, his name less than the single syllable that it is, it’s itching for another fight. Right now it’s soft but firm, the _h_ sound skirting on his tongue like a separate word altogether. “What’s wrong?”

 

Keith shakes his head, taking his helmet off. The feeling is overwhelming and daunting. He doesn’t know how to put that into words. He sits there, in the cockpit of the Black Lion, until he hears someone physically banging against the metal.

 

“Are you really going to ignore me?” Lance yells up at him once he pokes his head out. Keith grimaces at him. “Rude, man!”

 

“I want to be left alone, Lance,” Keith snaps.

 

“Yeah well, I want a new facial cleanser,” Lance says. “We can’t always get what we want.”

 

Keith grits his teeth. Lance is well-meaning and Keith appreciates it, really, but he doesn’t need this, not _right now._ “Can’t you give me a break?” he all but shouts, gripping his bayard tight. “I can’t - I don’t want to deal with this!”

 

“Fine!” Lance shouts back. “But you can’t not deal with this forever,” he adds, much quieter. “I’m - I’m trying to help, Keith. I get I’m not your first choice for that - or even in your choices at all. So just - if not me, please talk to someone about it.”

 

Keith deflates, because fine, Lance may not be his first choice, but Lance is, ridiculously enough, his second. And his first option is no longer available.

 

Lance is already halfway across the hallway when Keith catches up with him. “Lance,” he says, panting. “I - I can’t,” he says, pained, his mouth twisting at the words. “It’s not - you can’t fix this.”

 

Lance looks at him. His eyes are red. Had he been he crying? “There’s no fixing anything, Keith,” he says, his voice tight. “You think if you wanted things fixed it would be me volunteering? Get Pidge for that.” He chokes back a laugh. “Just - don’t bottle it up anymore. Maybe it’ll never be okay.” Keith’s breath hitches. “But it’s easier out than in.”

 

 _Easy for you to say,_ Keith wants to say. For Lance, the words are all so easy. He can make Pidge smile, Hunk laugh, Coran reminisce, Allura loosen up. He could make Shiro lighten up even in the toughest of situations. He can make Keith feel like he’s worthy of being the leader everyone expects him to be. He’s got all the right words. Sometimes Keith just wants to shove him inside his head so he can know what to say to make him feel better. Maybe that’s what Keith needs.

 

“I miss Shiro,” he says instead. As if that simple statement could encompass how he feels, every single day since they’d lost him. “I don’t - it’s not about being the leader. I just want him _back._ ” It was the Kerberos mission all over again, denial and anger and bargaining and depression, asking everyone, anyone, what he could do, just to see Shiro again. _I’d give up anything for you._ Keith isn’t ever going to accept it. He’s had a miracle once; surely he can have another. Because if he can’t believe in Shiro, what else is left?

 

Lance is still looking at him. Keith wonders if he’s learned to read minds, because he slowly slumps his shoulders and shakes his head. “I know,” he says. He puts his hand on Keith’s shoulder. Keith expects him to continue, but he only keeps his hand there, gaze trained on Keith. Maybe it’s some strange form of hypnotism. Hesitantly Keith opens his mouth again.

 

“I don’t want to move on,” he continues. “I’ll lead if you need me. I’ll lead because I have to. But I’ll never be okay without Shiro.”

 

There. He’s said it. Heart thumping, he watches Lance’s reaction.

 

Lance slowly nods. He doesn’t remove his hand. Keith doesn’t want him to. “That’s fair,” he says. “No one said you had to be okay, Keith.”

 

Keith furrows his eyebrows. “Wha- ”

 

“No one’s okay,” Lance says firmly. “Pidge hasn’t been okay since we left Earth. They’re still looking for Matt. Allura doesn’t believe Zarkon is dead and gone, and she’s not resting until we’ve ended the Galra Empire. Hunk misses Earth. And proper food. And I’m -” he cuts himself off, swallowing as he looks away.

 

“You’re?” Keith says softly, tilting his head to catch Lance’s expression.

 

“I miss my family,” Lance says, his voice so soft Keith barely hears it, even though they’re hardly a foot apart at the moment. “I feel like breaking down every night, Keith.”

 

_Oh._

 

“You’re - you were fine, as long as Shiro was here,” Lance continues. “He was your _anchor._ ” His lip trembles. “And now he’s gone.”

 

Keith wants to say, _he’s not gone._ But that’s not the point Lance is getting at. And he’s starting to see it, even a little. He’d thrown himself into this mission like a simple soldier. Follow orders. Defeat Zarkon. Win the war. He doesn’t have anything at stakes except his life.

 

Suddenly he feels like a fool, carrying his heart on his sleeve like this. As if he’s the only one who’s ever lost anyone.

 

“Hey,” Lance says, as he sees something in his face change. “It’s not your fault. We all deal with stuff differently. What I’m saying is - it’s okay not to be okay.”

 

Keith chokes back a sob. “It’s like losing my arm,” he says. “It’s never going to be okay.”

 

Lance nods. “Yeah,” he says, his voice faraway. “It’s never going to be okay. Not in the way you thought it would be.”

 

“But you’ll live,” he adds, firmly. “You’re alive right now. That’s what matters. So we have to keep going. Okay, Keith?”

 

Keith looks up at him. Lance’s lips are trembling. “Okay,” he says.

 

Lance slowly removes his hand from Keith’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you alone now,” he says. “I won’t push you if you don’t want to. But I just,” he gestures the the same hand, “I want you to know that I’m here, I guess.” He sighs. “We’re all here for you.”

 

Keith swallows. “Thanks, Lance.” There’s a lot more he wants to say, but it’s all stuck in his throat. He won’t pretend he doesn’t see how much effort Lance is putting to keeping this group together - something he should be doing himself. But there’s more than that. Shiro may be his anchor then, but since his disappearance, Keith would have floated off weeks ago if Lance hadn’t insisted on weighing him down. He’s practically the only thread of sanity Keith has tied on him. Keith is terrified of what will happen if he loses Lance next.

 

Lance gives him a grin. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Good talk, man.” He puts his hands in his pockets and walks down the rest of the hallway. Keith lets him. There’s a part of him that feels he’s done something wrong, but then half the time he’s talking to Lance it’s like he’s unbalanced, teetering off the edge. Keith never knows where he stands. He doesn’t know what Lance wants from him. He doesn’t know _anything_ about Lance, the more he thinks about it. The man talks a mile a minute - Keith knows his favorite movies and skincare routine - but if they’d asked him if he really, _really_ knew Lance then his answer would be no.

 

And that’s no good if this is the person he’s trusted his judgment to.

 

\--

 

“I’m doing something wrong,” he says to Allura.

 

Allura raises an eyebrow. “Are we referring to something specific or…?” She clears her throat. “Sorry - just wanted to make sure.”

 

Keith resists his scowl. Fine, he may have been too eager with the last mission to fish out Lotor and ended up having the team go around in a wild goose chase, but they’d also helped out some neighboring planets resist their Galra invaders, so it hasn’t been a complete waste of time. “I mean with Lance,” he says.

 

Allura’s eyebrows, if anything, shoot even higher. “And here I was thinking that part’s going on swimmingly,” she says almost wryly.

 

“I don’t know,” Keith says hesitantly. On the surface, he and Lance are fine, but… “Has he said anything?”

 

“Something like, 'Keith’s our leader, we should help him in the right direction when he needs it?’ ” Allura says, raising her hand in quotation marks.

 

Keith looks at her in disbelief. Lance has said that? “What?”

 

Allura shrugs. “He’s very supportive of you.” Keith feels his face flush at that.

 

“I don’t even know why,” Keith mutters. He’s messed up too many times, but Lance still keeps his faith in him. This unwavering conviction in him is both damnation and a blessing, all at once.

 

Allura strokes her chin with her hand. “I believe Lance values the team more than himself,” she says, with a suspicious mouth movement that makes Keith feel guilty. At least he never tried to quit the team, he reasons with himself. “But other than that, I also believe that Lance values _you_ as a person.”

 

Keith blinks.

 

“He’s always sought your opinion,” Allura says. “Whether it’s over inconsequential things or not.”

 

“I can see you’re not trying to make me feel better,” Keith grumbles.

 

Allura’s grin shows teeth. “But you’re not here for sympathy, Keith,” she points out. “You always function better with honesty.”

 

“Shiro puts it nicer than you do,” he retorts, and for a second they both stop, eyes widening at the same time.

 

Allura is the first to laugh. “He’s always been more diplomatic, I suppose,” she says somberly. Then, “I miss him.”

 

Keith looks away, hating how the wetness so quickly forms in his tear ducts. “I miss him too.”

 

“We’ll save the universe from the Galra Empire,” Allura says abruptly. “For him.”

 

Keith nods. The conversation is over, but somehow he feels more at ease with Allura from that day on.

 

\--

 

Things go awry - once, twice, several times. Plans never work out the way they should, especially when they’re half-baked. Keith can admit to at least that. Pidge yells at him and Hunk nearly bursts into tears over the comms link. They take sides - Allura has one idea, Keith has another.

 

Lance, firmly, stays on his.

 

“That’s two against three,” Keith says, grudging. He hates how everything he does is a group decision now. He can’t rely on his instincts when half the time he has to discuss his every move to people who can’t feel it the way he does.

 

“Yeah, but you’re our leader,” Lance says. “And you have a good reason for doing this. Right, Keith?”

 

He remembers Shiro arguing to trust the Blade of Marmora, how Allura had not agreed but deferred to him in the end. And when Lance takes his side, Hunk somehow defects too, like his vote is an automatic counterweight to press on the odds. It’s an unfair advantage. Keith is slowly learning to like it.

 

Allura sighs. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

 

They mess up. But they get out alive and Lance tells him later not to second-guess his own judgment - “if you hadn’t hesitated, we’d have had a clear shot,” he says, unfolding the earlier events with a different perspective.

 

Keith frowns, folding his arms. “But that would have put Hunk in danger.”

 

Lance laughs. “Hunk can handle himself,” he says. “You don’t have to protect everyone, okay? We’re not your handicaps, Keith, we’re your teammates.”

 

Keith feels his eyebrows lift in surprise. He hadn’t thought of it like that - he hadn’t even thought he’d been thinking like that. Now he realizes that ever since he’s been thrust into this leadership role, he’s become so tentative and hesitant. He’s put the team in danger once. He doesn’t want to do it again.

 

“You’re letting it hold you back,” Lance continues. “Not everything will go the way we want it. That’s ok. And everyone has different ideas - that’s ok too! You and Allura have different ways of seeing things, and dealing with them. But if your idea is really no good - we’ll let you know. But otherwise, you’re running this show. So own up to it.”

 

That...makes sense. Lance wants him to take responsibility for his actions. He _wants_ Keith to be the leader. Keith’s always expecting resistance. It’s how it’s been all his life. Nothing is easy for him, and that’s how he expected this to be. But Lance is doing all he can for him to ease into the leadership role.

 

Lance sighs a little, shaking his head as he watches Keith take it all in. “You know Shiro doesn’t do this all alone, right?” Lance tells him softly.

 

Keith blinks. “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Lance says. “He’s always telling Allura stuff.”

 

Keith tilts his head towards him. “So...what...you want to be Allura?”

 

Lance looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “What?”

 

Keith draws his shoulders defensively. All this talking in metaphors and parallels is stupid. Lance should just get straight to his damn point. “I mean I’m Shiro, right? That’s what you’re trying to say?”

 

“I think we’ve established repeatedly that you are _not_ Shiro and you shouldn’t try to be him,” Lance says, with a bit of a laugh.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Keith says, frustrated. “But I mean - you’re trying to be what Allura is for Shiro. Because she’s the one he tells his problems too. Right?”

 

There’s a small dawning light of comprehension on Lance’s face. Keith would count that as a victory, except there’s also a blush creeping up on his ears. “No!” Lance practically hisses, tripping over himself to stand up. “I’m not - that isn’t what I _meant,_ Keith!”

 

“Then what did you mean?” Keith says, also rising. If he takes two steps forward their foreheads would touch.

 

“I mean Shiro! Does not bottle everything up! Or pretends he can do it alone!” Lance’s face is so red it looks like it’ll catch fire any second. “There is no Allura in this equation!”

 

Keith doesn’t understand why Lance can’t appreciate the comparison. He doesn’t even understand why Lance is so vehemently against it. “But Shiro doesn’t tell anyone else his problems,” he says, folding his arms. “He barely tells me anything - except that he wants me to a leader.” He’s still bitter about that.

 

“Well, he’d been grooming you for it,” Lance points out. “Though you probably never even noticed.”

 

Keith scowls a little. Sure, Shiro had been making him take charge in some things, but he’s never passed on the full belt. And now it’s too late for him to scramble and put the pieces together. “Whatever he taught me, it wasn’t enough.”

 

Lance sighs, shaking his head. “It’s not like you can teach leadership, Keith,” he says, mildly patronizing. “You grow into the role, the more you have people looking up at you.”

 

“You’re not looking up at me,” Keith argues.

 

“Well, you’re like a whole inch shorter, so,” Lance chortles. Keith rolls his eyes. When it’s not his hair, it’s his height. Lance never runs out of things to make of when it comes to him.

 

He pauses, struck by a thought. “Wait...so you are being Allura right now,” he says, slowly. “I’m telling you my problems - and you’re...helping me out with them.”

 

Lance freezes, mouth open, and then sags his shoulders. “Fine, fine,” he says. “I guess I’m being your Allura. Sort of. That just sounds stupid, Keith. Can’t I just be, you know, the guy you tell your stuff to?”

 

“It doesn’t even have to be me,” he adds hastily. “You can tell anyone. Heck, you can even tell the real Allura - I’m sure she’s got some great advice to dole out.”

 

“Hmm.” Keith shrugs. “I don’t know. You make a good Allura for me.”

 

He almost laughs at Lance’s expression. He looks like he’s been struck by lightning. “Ugh,” Lance says. “I don’t know if this is a compliment or an insult or - whatever!” he says, breaking off. “Just don’t call it that - Allura’s going to hear you and it’ll be difficult to explain.”

 

“Explain what?” Keith says. He’s honestly lost on what Lance is trying to imply.

 

Lance throws his hands up in the air. “Bye, Keith!”

 

\--

 

They fight exactly once since Keith becomes the leader. Keith remembers it because Lance’s mouth goes so thin he can barely see his lips. He opens his mouth and Keith actually flinches even before the words spill out.

 

There’s Lance being sarcastic, or Lance questioning his decision, or Lance getting frustrated. But this - this is Lance, pulling all the punches. And everything makes a direct hit.

 

Behind him, Allura’s eyes are wide. She’s throwing glances at Coran, who looks just as worried. Keith can’t see Pidge or Hunk’s face, but they’re probably wearing the same kind of panic.

 

“You’re a fucking piece of work, Keith,” Lance eventually spits out after wringing Keith out to dry, and then he turns on his heel and walks out.

 

The remaining occupants of the room all glance at him.

 

Pidge makes this motion with their hand to chase after him. Keith splutters, about to argue. Pidge narrows their eyes. _Really?_ The expression says. _You’re going to alienate the only guy here who believes in you?_

 

Keith has no argument for that. So he dutifully runs after Lance, skidding when they practically collide in the hallway. “I’m-” he starts, but Lance snaps his gaze at him, the expression hard. The sheer force of it makes the words rot in his tongue.

 

“Don’t,” Lance warns.

 

Keith has no idea what Lance doesn’t want him to do. Knowing him, he’s probably going to end up doing it anyway. Lance has set up all these mines around him and Keith’s an expert at setting them all off. (“Lance is an easygoing guy,” Hunk has said. “The Blue Paladin is so calming!” aliens have tittered. “He is an excellent character to work with,” Kolivan has said once. “Too much energy, true, but all used for good.”) “You told me before - we can’t always get what we want.”

 

“So this is it,” Keith barrels on, in the face of Lance’s resounding silence. “I’m not the leader you want. I’m a fuck up, Lance, I get it. I can’t change that.”

 

Lance makes an ugly noise at the back of his throat. “That’s your problem, Keith,” he grits. “You think you can’t change it. You can. I believe you can. So why can’t you believe in that?”

 

Lance looks like he’s about to walk away again, so Keith grabs his arm and keeps him there.

 

“I’m trying!” he all but shouts. “But I’m not good enough and you know that!”

 

“This isn’t about you!” Lance shouts back. He’s not pulling his arm away. “This is about your choices - taking Lotor down isn’t the only goal,” he adds. “Our job is to defend the universe. And that means all of the inhabitants of the planets! We’re here to save them!”

 

It’s his choice to make. Keith swallows, throat dry. He knows Lance makes sense. But Lotor keeps slipping from their grasp because he knows whoever leads Voltron has a bleeding heart, or at least used to. Keith’s not Shiro. Keith’s prepared to make sacrifices, even if it’s himself.

 

Lance’s gaze is so intense it’s boring holes in Keith’s skin. They haven’t looked at each other like this since Shiro disappeared. Lance has tiptoed, and respected, and coddled Keith in all those months, but here: here is the Lance Keith knows best. Here is the Lance Keith _needs_.

 

“You know what I’ll do when push comes to shove,” he says instead.

 

Lance breathes sharply.

 

“So you’ll know what to do when I do it anyway,” Keith continues, recklessly. “Because I won’t think about it, Lance. I’ll just do it.”

 

He stares back at Lance. It’s a dare, a threat, a promise. His heart is beating so fast it’s like he’s spinning right back in Red, moving in a speed he hasn’t felt and can no longer have. The sheer rush of it should frighten him.

 

But Lance clenches his jaw and shakes his head. “Fine,” he snaps, tired, resigned, angry. He can’t remember if Lance has always been the first to give up when they fight. Keith doesn’t budge and neither does he - and they’re left to spiral out of control. Maybe Lance has learned to tame his impulses. Keith still hasn’t. “You make all your bad decisions, and then we can fix them together.”

 

“But I still think your idea is shit,” Lance adds warningly. “Think of something else.”

 

“Fine,” Keith says. “You help me.”

 

It’s the first of many compromises. Keith always remembers this moment, every time they get near a boiling point. But Lance never blows up at him after that, or maybe Keith never pushes him off the edge.

 

Either way his world has tilted, and Keith is surprised that he doesn’t mind it so much.


End file.
